No One Breaks My Heart
by cece1090
Summary: "I'll only break your heart." "What if I break yours?" As if he could ever do that. Your heart is completely guarded,so that it can't be damaged not ever again. And the white hot pain burns through you as you feel the absence of him everywhere you look.


So, I've had this storyline floating in my head for a while now. It isn't my best work, but I like it. Just a fair warning, this story is dark and slightly perverted. I don't want to give too much away, but you've been warned. So please don't review and say how messed up I am writing this; I mean after all, this is Effy Stonem we're talking about. Even though I know the show never hinted to anything like this, she's pretty fucked up in the head and so is the other character.

Anyways, happy reading!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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><p>You feel his eyes heavily on you, and you suddenly find the wall across the room interesting. For some reason you've become nervous, much more nervous than you've been in years. It isn't that he loves you that makes you want to run, but that he so desperately reminds you of the one you do love; and how you can never have him. It's sad really, how pathetically lost you are and yet you carry your head high faking the confidence you'll never have.<p>

"We could be good together," Freddie states, not even as a question, but like a fact.

And your mind wonders to places where you so desperately want to escape from, but can never truly get away. The memories come flooding back to you, and no matter how hard you try to push them away, lock them up deep inside, where they belong, you can't. They've gotten out and there's nothing that you can do.

_Blue eyes stare at you with a mischievous glint lighting them up, and a smirk that sends butterflies to your stomach. You're not sure why you're feeling this way, it's not as if he's changed or anything. But maybe it's you that's changed; maybe it's you that's become different. _

"_Ok, I'm up for any night getting totally fucked but even I'm not that stupid" you say with a twinge of sarcasm. _

_He merely laughs at you and your stomach clenches at the sound. This isn't like you; you were never one to feel all those butterflies and girly shit. No, you are the 'romance is dead, and love doesn't exist' kind of girl. But he makes you start to hope, that maybe not all is lost; and suddenly you're overcome with this feeling, a hope that means you no longer have to be alone. _

"_Oh come Effy, you know we can do it" he says with a smile. _

_You just snicker at him, because he's officially lost his mind. What he's suggesting is completely insane, __**totally insane **__and you know there's no way you can pull it off. In response to his madness, you desperately need a drink. So you pull out you're bottle of Vodka that no one else is allowed to touch and take a swig. You feel instant relief as the liquid burns down your throat. _

"_What makes you so sure," you say as you hand him the bottle, because only he is allowed to drink it. _

_He then flashes you a grin and a twinkle in his eye._

"_Because, we'd be good together; we're always good together" he says before putting the bottle to his lips. _

_And in that moment, he could be asking to sale to America in a canoe and you would do it; you would do anything for him. _

And that's why you know you could never be good with Freddie, because he could never make you feel the way _HE _does. So you quickly shake your head, still refusing to look at him. It's time you tell him the truth, because if you don't he's only going to get hurt. You're a hopeless case, someone who can't be saved and to be honest you don't really want to be.

You're more than fine having your heart encased by ice.

"I'll only break your heart," you say quietly but frankly.

And it's true, you would. Because despite how good he's been to you, Freddie isn't _HIM _and you could never feel for him as such. And even when you hear the sad sigh coming from his mouth, you still don't feel bad for him. Actually, you don't feel much at all these days and it's better that way; you don't get hurt when you don't feel.

And that simple thought brings another onslaught of memories bubbling to the surface and you want to scream and pull your hair out, because you hate remembering him.

_You watch as he lays your mother down on the bed, her completely unconscious to the world. And suddenly the question that you've been wondering for years comes flowing out your mouth before you can stop it. _

"_Why bother?" _

_Suddenly you have the urge to clamp your mouth shut in mortification, and go hide under a rock. You can feel your cheeks reddening and that god that the room is dark, so that he can't see you blush. He would get some laugh out of that for sure. "Well I'll be damned, the famous Effy Stonem blushing!" That would not be okay. _

"_With what?" He asks right back. _

_You shift on your feet for a moment, fighting between saying never mind and pretending that nothing happened, or being honest. Honesty was something you didn't show to people, because people take your vulnerability and use it against you. Yet when you see the way he is looking after your mother, you can't help but feel that maybe he's the exception to the rule. _

"_Caring about people," you say. _

_Suddenly he looks you dead in the eye and backs you quietly in the wall. His expression isn't angry, just intense and those damn butterflies are back. As you find yourself trapped, your breathing hitches slightly, as he slowly touches his forehead against your own. His warm hand gently cups your cheek as his blue eyes pierce into your own equally blue eyes. _

"_I know you Effy Stonem," he says quietly but intensely, "and you don't fool me," he finishes out in a breath. _

_And suddenly you're terrified, because he's right. He does know you, almost better than yourself, and it scares you to know that someone can see your secrets. Nothing you could do could ever fool him. You're like an open book to him and you have a hard time swallowing that down. But then he smiles warmly at you, his way of saying he'll never use that against you. _

_And you know you could trust him with your life. _

"What if I break yours" Freddie asks, bringing you back to reality.

You snicker immediately to that. As if he could ever do that. Your heart is completely guarded, encased in thick ice so that it can't be damaged. Not ever again. And the white hot pain burns through you as you feel the absence of him everywhere you look. This empty house is mocking you, reminding you what you could never have; what you could never hold on to.

And you feel sick almost, and yet have to fight off the urge to laugh. It's like life is a huge game, and you lost and why?

Because you're Effy fucking Stonem, that's why; you never win.

Your fists tighten in a curl as you remember the single memory you wish you could remove with a drill. You hate it, because the memory laughs and mocks you. The room begins to spin as the memory comes on stronger and stronger.

"_Well I guess it's just you and me now," he says as you two sit quietly in the car. _

_Suddenly your anger ignites and you become incensed with it. He makes you be yourself around him, why can't he do the same? Why can't he just be honest for once in his sorry life? So what if he doesn't work that way? You're Effy fucking Stonem and neither do you, yet you're honest around him. _

"_Wanker," you spit out. _

_Immediately you hear him stiffen, and from the corner of your eye you see his knuckles go white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. His blue eyes go icy cold as he suddenly turns to face you. _

"_She doesn't want anything to do with me, I've tried everything" he says harshly. _

_You just continue to stare straight ahead._

"_Wanker," you say again. _

_He then slumps in his seat somewhat and the air goes a little thin. The lack of him responding causes you to look at him. _

"_What," he falters before looking directly to you. _

_His stare is so intense, so vulnerable and in this moment you know he's finally being honest. _

"_What if I don't want her back," he continues. "Effy, I'm happy with it just being us" he says quietly still not breaking eye contact. _

_You gulp slightly because you now realize it isn't just you anymore, and that bizarre feeling you've been subjected to for years is called love. You love him and he loves you, even if it's the love society deems sick and perverted. You don't care though, because for once in your life you feel complete. He loves you and now you don't have to be alone. _

_He still stares at you, waiting for your response, and yet you don't know what to say. So you do the only thing you know of. Your body feels like it's on fire as you slowly lean your way over to him. As your forehead lightly touches his, you see his eyes cloud over. Then ever so slowly, you let your lips close in on his. And it feels like home, and you never want to leave. _

_When you open your eyes, the next thing you see is the flashing headlights and the oncoming bus unable to stop. _

_You the last thing you remember is __**HIS**__ name on your lips. _

"_Tony." _

With that last thought, you grit your teeth together.

"No one breaks my heart," you say tightly.

Except one.

Tony Stonem.

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><p>So please review!<p> 


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